Time waits for no man

I wrote this almost eight years ago and as I was re-reading it, most of it still applies today. The new baseball season is about to start with spring training games less than a week away. Since I wrote this one of my three best friends died of cancer, my mother of old age, my father is fighting dementia, and instead of not being quite 50, I’m now 58. My career is over, and while I’m not retired I will never again work for anyone else in an office environment in a paid position. All the children mentioned in the column have graduated. I’m a great Uncle four times over. Time passed all too quickly and yet as I type this, I feel no different mentally or physically than I did when I wrote this in Feb of 2008.  I had only been blogging for a few months at TBLA, in a few months I’ll have been doing this for ten years. At this time  Ken Arneson still had the Baseball Toaster up and running which is where I read Josh Wilker’s stuff, and would still pop in on Jon Weisman over at Dodger Thoughts.

Everything changes and everything stays the same.

Josh Wilker the author of Cardboard Gods, The Book finished the best series he’s ever done which is saying a lot since everything he writes is spellbinding.   It is hard to write after reading Josh, his skill is so impressive, and his words bring to life imagery unlike any other.  Normally his stories leave me enthralled but this last series left me shaken.  Follow the links, and enter a world you’ve never seen before.

This new series deals with death in Josh’s unique way of looking at the world and it came to close to the anniversary of the passing away of William. I knew people who have died in simple accidents in which the smallest part of time sealed their fate, loved ones who have been taken by disease, and Grandparents taken by time just like Josh wrote about.  In time all of you will experience the same thing. The stories left me pondering not my fate but those around me. Time passes so quickly that it is shocking to think it was already 3 years ago. In another year William will have been gone longer then he lived. Outside of my family, no one has had the impact on my life that little William did. Perceptions changed and I felt more urgency to my life then ever before while also being unable to get back into the flow of life for quite a while. This urgency is getting defeated by the sands of time as they flow through my fingers faster and faster, no matter how hard I try to staunch the flow I feel myself being pulled into a quagmire.

Growing old does not really effect me, but it seems to effect all those around me. I feel like I’m staying static, as everyone ages either in front of me or more times then not somewhere else. My grandparents have been gone for years now and now my beloved parents are moving into the same space that my grandparents once inhabited.  My oldest niece is now 30, my youngest niece is about to become a teenager and while I know they need to grow, every time I see the growth, I’m left wondering what the hell happened.   My friend’s kids are growing faster then weeds and since none of them live in Los Angeles I’m going to miss most of it just like I missed two of my brothers families growing up.  I’ll never get to see the nuances of their childhood and it pisses me off. Bev and Chuck have two great kids but I’m just some guy who stops by for the night when I’m able to stop by San Francisco on the way to Ferndale. Mark and Keri have two wonderful children and I’ve only been able to see them once, soon they will be in school if they aren’t already. Byron and Carmen have added Adam with a new addition on the way and Julia the apple of my eye will become a stranger all over again.  I need to visit all of them but how can I when they are spread all over the country? It takes time to learn what makes a child’s heart tick and time is not something I have.

I’ve always embraced the new baseball season with its slate wiped clean and wonderful new stories ready to unfold before our eyes. Each spring I seem to need the new baseball season more then the last. It is the only thing I don’t mind going into the record books.   Even as I look forward to the 1st spring training game, I know the season will be over in 7 or hopefully 8 months. It will go so fast that by the end you will wonder how it is November already.  With much ado the Dodgers are going to be celebrating their 50th anniversary in Los Angeles. How many are still with us who witnessed the 1st game? Are they still fans, do they still watch Vinny in their rest homes? Do they have someone to share the joy of baseball with? I expect they look at this 50th anniversary and wonder what the hell happened.

Baseball is timeless, and while I feel the pull of time trying to bring me down, I can grasp onto the rope that a new season provides and with the few muscles I still have,  I can pull myself out of my quagmire and look forward to the unique journey that each new season provides.

Were taking the afternoon off

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3 Comments

  1. 68elcamino427

    Ha

    We want to believe that we feel the same as always.

    Something is happening to the people who I see regularly.
    They look like they are getting Older!
    Then I look in the mirror every morning and ask myself
    Who is that?

    Honestly, this is a fine piece you present here today.
    I read The Cardboard Gods every day on The Toaster.

    My advice for tomorrow
    Go toward what you want 🙂

    Like

  2. I didn’t read Josh much until I read the Richie Hebner series at which point I was hooked until they closed the Toaster. I bought his book for two of my brothers. My oldest brother lived on a commune in the 70’s and reminded me of Josh’s Dad. He loved the book.

    Like

  3. 68elcamino427

    heh

    “The Silver Hitter”

    Like

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