Ducking in with the President
For those unfamiliar with the Duck, you can check out the archived Duck Talk Section at TrueBlueLA or the newer Duck Talk here on Dodgers, Yesterday and Today. We ask the questions we want to ask and try to see through the clichéd responses we normally get. Don’t get confused, this is a complete fabrication based on interviews within my troubled mind.
A few months ago the Duck had a brief conversation with President Elect Donald Trump. Now that the President has had a few weeks to be presidential we thought it might be a good time to talk with him before Sean Spicer goes duck hunting.
Duck: Good afternoon President Trump. You promised your electorate that you would bring the best people into your administration to help you make America great again, even though only you know how to defeat ISIS. As your cabinet is getting confirmed it doesn’t really seem that Betsy DeVos and Dr. Ben Carson are indicative of that kind of talent.
Donald Trump: Betsy is the best. Just the best. It is sad that so many bad things were said about her. She’s just like me. She had to survive in this world with just a few million to start out with and let me tell you, that isn’t easy.
Duck: So she didn’t buy herself a cabinet position with her family contributing something like $200,000,000 to the GOP over the past 40 years? Ben Carson himself said he wasn’t qualified to get a cabinet position but now the Doctor with zero experience in running anything, is going to be the head honcho for The Department of Housing and Urban Development
Donald Trump: Well the contributions certainly helped but she came highly recommended by the Hulk and right now I’m doing everything the Hulk suggests I do because he’s got some videos.
Duck: The Hulk?
Donald Trump: Yeah, you know, Steve Bannon
Duck: Oh… You do know that his name was Bruce Banner, not Steve Bannon?
Donald Trump: Banner Bannon, all I know is that he turns green when he gets angry
Duck: So basically the country is being run by an Orange and Green duo? Doesn’t that make Brown? Why do white people want to be brown but don’t like people who are brown?
Donald Trump: That’s too deep for me, ask me something I can answer in 135 characters, and use the word Sad to finish it off.
Duck: You are now the president, why do you persist in acting like a child and using twitter to harass companies like Nordstrom and people like civil rights hero John Lewis?
Donald Trump: I just call it the way I see it. No one is going to edit me. I’m going to run this country my way. Sad
Duck: So you really believe that a President should call out companies via twitter, or individuals that disagree with you?
Donald Trump: Yes, my way or the highway. Sad
Duck: Why do you only consider Muslim terrorist attacks as Sad? You never comment when a white supremacist kills Muslims in a mosque or burns down an African-American Church?
Donald Trump: The Hulk told me those aren’t terrorist, just people upset with how the natural order of things has gotten screwed up. Muslims are terrorists, white supremest are simply mad and trying to do the best they can do given how this country has tied their arms behind their back simply because they were born white.
Duck: You went way over 140 characters
Donald Trump: I’m exhausted
Duck: I’m petrified. From up in the air, you appear to be very uncomfortable with being President. Your wife won’t even stay in the White House. I read a report that said, the taxpayers of the United States would be spending more money simply protecting your wife outside of the White House than the amount of money the Arts gets annually.
Donald Trump: This place is a dump, Sad
Duck: You seem in such a hurry to put things into play that maybe you are shooting yourself in the foot. The Muslim ban, wouldn’t it have made more sense to make that play after you have your Supreme Court nominee confirmed giving you a majority just in case those nasty Federal Judges defy your executive order and the Supreme Court has to decide the case?
Donald Trump – No, we had to blunder into this as quickly as possible. We have to stop the Muslim Terrorists from coming in. At least that is what the Hulk told me.
Donald Trump -I don’t believe those studies. That is simply the media printing what they want because they hate me. Sad
Duck: How do you feel about the idea that everyone thinks Steven Bannon is really running this country and you are simply his puppet? Is that better than when they thought Putin was running this country and you were simply Putin’s puppet?
Donald Trump – That is ridiculous, I’m the one making every stupid decision. all me. I’m no one’s puppet.
Donald Trump – The left is still mad they lost. The media (not Fox) is the arm of the left and they hate me. sad
Duck: I’m not sure they hate you, disgusted with your blatant lies, childish tweets, and incredible ignorance of how this country was created. You oligarchic elite may run the country but it was built on the backs of every single immigration. From the forced immigration of Africa to the Chinese to the Japanese to the Irish to the Polish to Italians to the Mexicans to the South Americans. This land is their land every bit as much as it is your land. There is the silver lining that if the country survives this administration, in the long run, you will be good for the future of the country. Maybe we got complacent with our Democracy and it took an incompetent wannabe demagogued to wake us up and remind us that our Democracy is fragile and that it will take diligence by more than the 50% who are normally politically active to keep it. You should get used to protests because that woman’s march was probably just the beginning. And if you go Kent State……………
Donald Trump -We will crush the opposition, my way or the highway.
Donald Trump – The people spoke Yes for Pipelines, reduced regulation, reduced corporate taxes, trade wars, white is right
Donald Trump – No on Muslims from any country I don’t have a business in, no Nato, no Mexicans, no healthcare, no civil rights, no voting rights, and we white males get to tell every woman what should happen within their vagina.
Donald Trump – seems clear to me what Steve Bannon and the almost majority of the United States wants me to do. The puzzling part is why you persist in trying to keep me from my mandate?